I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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