i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
