Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
