every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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