this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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