my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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