He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
