Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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