My underwear smells like fireworks.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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