What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
