It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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