We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
