dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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