I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
