I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
