vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
