We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
