Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
