Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
