direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
