I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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