so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
