i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
