Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
