New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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