You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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