I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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