either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
