You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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