just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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