You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
