I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize