I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
