im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
