He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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