I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I FOUND THE LEGS
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
