Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The beer is more important than you right now.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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