i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
