There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
