Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
