please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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