Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
