Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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