My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So many bounce houses so little time
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
