Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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