i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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