i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
