Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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