I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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