If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
