i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
