I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
