He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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