Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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