is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
