Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
