Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
