I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
